Giovedì 11 Dic 2008, 10:52

….I hate it! Whenever Maria Carey pops up on TV in that "Oh so twee" home video-style All I Want For Christmas crap I feel my inner-rage building to immense proportions. I don't know what exactly it is about that video that gets me so riled - perhaps sugary-coated Carey's frolicking in the snow with that "Oh so smashable with a hammer" smile on her face, or the fucking sleigh-ride with a fat man in a santa suit - whatever it is, it seems that video epitomises everything that is wrong with Christmas and music.

It seems that when the Festive Season pops around, a lot of artists realise that the general public fall under some spell whereby they will buy any old shit so long as has a bit of glitter and snow on the cover, and when it comes to music all you need do is add a frickin sleigh-bell, or wear a shit green and red sweater in the video, and you are sorted. I mean, look, even these twats did it (trying to claim they were not bothered about the whole number one spot until they didn't get it and then threw crying fits like the girls they are)…
http://www.gibson.com/player/dec03/images/dark_christmas.jpg

Yup, The Darkness - but that is a rant for another day….back to Christmas.

Now, whever I accidentally lose the Christmas Cd at work I get some muppets calling me a Scrooge, or some other season-hating expression. Don't get me wrong, I do like Christmas - I get presents! I love seeing my kids eyes light up as they open their toys (from us, not this frickin' fat bastard in a red suit - I don't dig on the whole Satan Claws (sic), and nor do we do this whole religion thing). Nah, Christmas is a time for family, and a day off work which I get paid for…what's not to like.

But the music! Why is it that people suddenly develop crap taste in music over Christmas and then make excuses that "It is seasonal!" Would you listen to similar themed shite if it was released, say at Easter, or mid-summer? Remember Mr Blobby? That wasn't necessarily seasonal, yet you twats bought it and made it number one (well, maybe not you directly, but the British public in general). If that came out in June, would you have still bought it? My guess is a big fat, "Nooooooo!"

So why at Christmas?

I am seeing it with Singstar too. People crying out for some 'festive tracks' to sing along to, but then requesting a way to remove them after December so you don't have to sing them at any other time. Well, tough shit! If you are happy to sing them now, then you deserve to fuck up any future games by being forced to singalong in the middle of summer for all I care! You obviously know the music is shit, so why do you want to download them to sing them in the first place? (Again, not you directly - but the public you!)

Christmas number ones are a mixed bag of shite too, but occasionally some gems shine through. For every Shakin' Stevens saying "Merry Christmas Everyone", and Cliff Richard saying some other prayer like the pretentious, bible bashing, greatest hit releasing fuckwit he is, there is also a Pet Shop Boys crooning that we were "Always on my mind", or Pink Floyd letting us know we are just "Another Brick In The Wall".

Well, no doubt this year will be yet another X-Fucktor winner (or is that whiner), which is a shame as the refreshing alternatives each year are, indeed, refreshing. Only a few years back we had the genius of Mad World hit the top spot - although after it was played 40,000 each week it got a bit tired (shame as it was a very poignant use of the track in Donnie Darko).

Thank goodness that I don't really keep track of charts these days :)