Domenica 2 Apr 2006, 0:36

Radiohead sucks.

A message: Stop riding the "Creep" wave. We get it, your song was a hit. After that, you should have faded away like a one hit wonder, before you made ten years' worth of droning, crappy music.

I mean, are you kidding me, Thom Yorke? I could strangle a puppy and it would sound better than his whining. Every song is so sad and boring. Gosh, how could anyone listen to this crap? Maybe if you wanted to sit around at home on a Saturday night and cry yourself to sleep because you have no friends. There's a reason why people like Ashlee Simpson and Hilary Duff have record deals: They can sing, and everyone knows it. Their live performances have always been spotless. On a different note, how about Radiohead's lyrics? "I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, I don't belong here". You hate yourself, how trendy. Now I think it's about time that depression manifested itself into a physical act. Start spelling out fruit in your songs, and then we'll be talking genius.

Can Jonny Greenwood stop messing around? He's got nowhere near the musical chops of, say, Benji Madden. He could stand to learn something about the guitar. Radiohead songs have the musical complexity of the Old Macdonald.

"EACH ALBUM IS UNIQUE!" they say. Well, just because I have diarrhea doesn't make it godly because of my logs. It sounds shitty, people. If I wanted the experience of Kid A, I would take acid and cut myself. OK Computer: alright, I get it, computers are taking over the world, whatever. What a great concept for a concept album! OK Computer not OK Radiohead. (HAHA RADIOHEAD JOKE!)

How the hell did these guys get to be #1 overall? Are there really that many people with no friends? Ah well, I guess that's the internet.

What's happening next? Is some shitty band like The Beatles going to emerge as a legitimate rock band? Paul McCartney will never have the widespread success and music genius he found with Wings.

So, Radiohead: please do away with this "concept album" mumbo jumbo and start putting forward some coherent music. Nobody likes something that doesn't conform to the exact needs of society. Thom Yorke, you are spitting on human progress. You could never write a song that contains the pure genius of April Fools.