• Top 25 songs I wish would go away:

    Mar 27 2009, 22:04

    Whether stuck in your car listening to horrible FM radio or at the multiplex I find these 25 songs irritating and impossible to get away from.

    25. Mrs. Robinson/Simon and Garfunkel: Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? And why didn't you take this song with you? Alternative: Late in the Evening/Paul Simon
    24. Money For Nothing/Dire Straits: The song opens with Sting singing about MTV. It's the musical equivalent of Windows Vista booking up. Then it kicks in. A song about two guys working at an appliance store. How edgy. Alternative: Skateaway/Dire Straits
    23. Take the Money and Run/The Steve Miller Band: In Miles Davis' autobiography he tells a funny story how Miller went crazy when he found out that Davis had a higher billing at a festival they were doing. Alternative: So What/Miles Davis
    22. Bad to the Bone/George Thorogood & the Destroyers. This song is the ultimate lazy-film-maker tune. Put the Muppets in leather and have them ride motorcycles. Play Bad to the Bone over the montage. Check please! Alternative: Cowboys from Hell/Pantera
    21. Born to Be Wild/Steppenwolf. The best cut off of Steppenwolf's 16 Greatest Hits CD. Of course, Magic Carpet Ride is the other 15 songs. See also #22. Alternative: Wishing Well/Free
    20. The Sound of Silence/Simon and Garfunkel: This song is how Garfunkel's hair got that way. Alternative: Actual silence.
    19. American Pie/Don McLean: I can still remember how music made me smile. That was before I heard this song for the 2 millionth time. Alternative: Wild World/Cat Stevens
    18. Brown Eyed Girl/Van Morrison: I was in a bar once and someone actually put money in the jukebox to hear this. She needs a music intervention. Alternative: Tupelo Honey/Van Morrison
    17. Down on the Corner/Creedence Clearwater Revival. I fantasize about an out-of-control yellow 1973 VW van driving up on the sidewalk wiping out the washboard and kazoo player. Alternative: Sweet Hitchhiker/CCR
    16. Fly Like an Eagle/The Steve Miller Band: It's a fact that more accidents are caused by people reaching for their car stereo when “time keeps on ticking... ticking... ticking...” first spews out their car stereos. The song is like audible black ice. Alternative: I'm No Angel/Gregg Allman
    15. Before He Cheats/Carrie Underwood: Maybe next time he won't date some insane whack-job with horrible musical taste. Alternative: Bloody Mary Morning/Willie Nelson
    14. More Than a Feeling/Boston: In Boston it's a law that you must make insane lane changes on 128 and play this song on the radio once every ½ an hour. Alternative: (Ain't Nothin' But a) Houseparty/The J. Geils Band
    13. Smooth/Santana: You ever wish Carlos never made a comeback? Alternative: Hold On/Santana
    12. Jumping Jack Flash/The Rolling Stone: The Beatles didn't make the cut because you just don't hear them on the radio so I guess the Stones finally beat them at something. This song, however, is always playing which is sad because there are hundreds of Stones songs that are never heard. Alternative: Little T&A/The Rolling Stones
    11. One of These Nights/The Eagles: I agree with the Dude... the Eagles suck. Alternative: Sin City/The Flying Burrito Brothers
    10. Wish You Were Here/Pink Floyd. Really, there are many good Floyd albums but the same 5 or 6 cuts are played on the radio. See also #12. How about something from Animals? Alternative: Dogs/Pink Floyd
    9. Ride of the Valkyries/Wagner: Is it known more from Apocalypse Now or from “Kill the wabbit!”? Watchmen nerds thought it was clever to use it in the Vietnam scene. Clever if you don't know what clever means. Alternative: Mahler: Symphony No. 5/Leonard Bernstein
    8. Enter Sandman/Metallica: Metallica doesn't like when people illegally download their music. No problem here. I promise I'll never download this! Alternative: Symphony of Destruction/Megadeath
    7. I Don't Want To Miss a Thing/Aerosmith: The meteor should have won. Alternative: Woman in Love/Van Halen
    6. You Shook Me All Night Long/AC/DC: How about playing another cut instead of this one for the next 25 years? Alternative: Girl's Got Rhythm/AC/DC
    5. The Gambler/Kenny Rogers: He didn't know when to fold 'em. Alternative: Those Three Days/Lucinda Williams
    4. Foxy Lady/Jimi Hendrix: I still do “air fox ears” when I hear this song. Foxy! Alternative: Hurricane/Bob Dylan
    3. Old Man/Neil Young: You're the old man now. See also #12. Alternative: Harvest Moon/Neil Young
    2. My Generation/The Who: See #3 above. Alternative: The Seeker/The Who
    1. Take the Money and Run/The Steve Miller Band: What again? I can't get away from it! Alternative: Been Caught Stealing/Jane's Addiction or maybe even talking to your GPS or maybe rapping to the seatbelt beep.