doesntexist420Vin reviews the Pitchfork review for Radiohead's The King of Limbs, subsequently reviewing The King of Limbs, the album by Radiohead, by me:
Radiohead, what can be said about Radiohead? A lot, and judging by the past reviews of albums by Radiohead from the hipster hivemind hellhole that is Pitchfork.com, you can write a lot of horrific reviews about something that vaguely resembles the music being discussed while interjecting random thoughts of things nobody really cares about.
That's why my review of Radiohead's new album will be a side by side comparision of the following review:
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/15149-the-king-of-limbs/
Let's begin with my score: 120.97/151.01
Reviewer guy proceeds to discuss how In Rainbows pioneered internet music. Yawn. I see nothing about the music. Kind of like how "Bloom" is an underwhelming intro track that skips and glitches nowhere, and more resembles the Flying Lotus/Thom Yorke collabo more than any Radiohead track in quite some time. It's jazzy and sounds like it was recorded underwater at Sea World, kind of like when you eat too much ambien and start seeing three of everything.
"Morning Mr. Magpie", on the other hand, is a great track in it's simple repetition and sea of random guitar feedback. It's like drone music for hipsters that's not Sunn O, or is it? No. Thom Yorke's vocals seem to provide the only counter to the mechanical loop and echoing noise, and his lyrics are as depressing and bleak as ever. Now, Reviewer guy continues to talk about Thom Yorke for 5 minutes, as every hipster relates to his slightly schizophrenic personality, as presented here in 1993:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8zBC3sKMm0
I saw people trying to compare this to the Beatles on the internet and thought "wow, these people are trying way too hard". The title sounds like a Beatles song called "Mean Mr. Mustard", that's it.
"Little By Little" tries to bring back the more upbeat elements of In Rainbows with acoustic guitars and more super sped up glitchy beats. This song is the first to sound more like an actual song though, by that I mean it has more than one seemingly endless part. In the chorus Thom Yorke says "I'm such a tease and you're such a flirt", further proving suspicion that he's never had sex and is afraid of every human being on Earth. But this is a great track as well, don't let my rambling get you wrong. Likewise, Reviewer guy, who I hope isn't Brett DiCerenso or whatever that dude who wrote his life story and called it a review of Kid A's name is, has finally gotten around to comparing this album to The Bends (NOTHING like it), OK Computer (NOTHING like it), Kid A (Vaguely resembles it at times), and Amnesiac (getting closer but 10 times better than Amnesiac, which is horrible in my opinion).
"Feral" is your token piece of experimental noise. Great background elevator music.
In the ongoing saga of Reviewer guy at Pitchfork's conquest of reviewing this sure to be turning point in hipster history, he has finally gotten around to discussing The King of Limbs. That's right, one whole paragraph where he barely discusses a single song. Who didn't see that? Then he compares it to "Bodysnatchers". (Tim and Eric's) Awesome (show), Great job. You suck at reviewing music competently sir.
"Lotus Flower", absolutely ridiculous music video aside, which shows what happens if you decide to dance in front of your Apple macbook on molly powder for 8 hours alone as Thom Yorke and some Radiohead fans like to do, is another good song. Dark ambience, glitchy percussion and beats, and a nice vocal performance from Thom. His imagery sure seems to relate to nature a lot here. The King of Limbs was named after a tree, did you know that? The echoey repeating vocals work with the glitchy nature to a good effect here.
"Codex" brings back the piano. Radiohead have some very elegant and nicely arranged piano work, I have to say. This one is good, but In Rainbows had better ones. I wonder what Jonny Greenwood, who sold the H in his name to Thom long ago, did with his guitars though? Do you think he even knows how to play an actual guitar riff anymore? Like my long winded off topic friend over at Pitchfork has been doing, he is now reviewing these tracks in another sparse paragraph, before comparing the final track to Neil Young and fucking off with some disparaging words. You know what, enough of his nonsense. That hipster is full of shit and obviously needs to get a grasp on reviewing music. Mr. Mark Pytlik, you sure lick something that's not a pit.
The segue of random nature noise into "Give Up the Ghost" leads to the reappearance of an acoustic guitar, as Thom Yorke echoes over the sparse atmosphere. There's also some bleating horn sounding thing that sounds like a foghorn. And falsettos that make that guy from Muse want to squeeze his balls in a vice and make more bad music.
The album concludes with "Separator", the song that the hipster LD over at Pitchfork referred to as sounding like Neil Young, that old guy who played with Pearl Jam and has never sounded anything like Radiohead. It has an awesome drum loop and more vocals with echo effects. I especially like how Thom Yorke manages to sound more and more like a zombie with every Radiohead album. The guitar line on here halfway through is awesome though, if having a discernable guitar line makes you reminiscent of Neil Young I guess it's kind of like that. It ends with a strong track though.
Overall, Radiohead's new album has proven to lead to a whole lot of humorous results. Pitchfork has rejected the band they once loved so much, hopefully hipsters will follow in suit, and the people who enjoy them can listen to them without the bandwagon of followers. It's pointless to harp on them any longer though, if you like Radiohead, you'll enjoy The King of Limbs.
In short, 4/5
As everybody knows though, it's no OK Computer (rated by me as 90 gazillion/100 gazillion), The Bends (rated 82.77/101.13), Kid A (rated 9000/115500), or In Rainbows (rated 4/5).
- Vin, February 24, 2011
Radiohead
Thom Yorke
Neil Young
The King of Limbs
In Rainbows
Kid A
Amnesiac
Hail to the Thief
Hail To The Theif
OK Computer
Pablo Honey
The Bends
The Eraser
Flying Lotus
Pitchfork
Pitchfork
pitchfork
hipster
fuck hipsters
radiohead sucks
fuck pitchfork
Radiohead, what can be said about Radiohead? A lot, and judging by the past reviews of albums by Radiohead from the hipster hivemind hellhole that is Pitchfork.com, you can write a lot of horrific reviews about something that vaguely resembles the music being discussed while interjecting random thoughts of things nobody really cares about.
That's why my review of Radiohead's new album will be a side by side comparision of the following review:
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/15149-the-king-of-limbs/
Let's begin with my score: 120.97/151.01
Reviewer guy proceeds to discuss how In Rainbows pioneered internet music. Yawn. I see nothing about the music. Kind of like how "Bloom" is an underwhelming intro track that skips and glitches nowhere, and more resembles the Flying Lotus/Thom Yorke collabo more than any Radiohead track in quite some time. It's jazzy and sounds like it was recorded underwater at Sea World, kind of like when you eat too much ambien and start seeing three of everything.
"Morning Mr. Magpie", on the other hand, is a great track in it's simple repetition and sea of random guitar feedback. It's like drone music for hipsters that's not Sunn O, or is it? No. Thom Yorke's vocals seem to provide the only counter to the mechanical loop and echoing noise, and his lyrics are as depressing and bleak as ever. Now, Reviewer guy continues to talk about Thom Yorke for 5 minutes, as every hipster relates to his slightly schizophrenic personality, as presented here in 1993:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8zBC3sKMm0
I saw people trying to compare this to the Beatles on the internet and thought "wow, these people are trying way too hard". The title sounds like a Beatles song called "Mean Mr. Mustard", that's it.
"Little By Little" tries to bring back the more upbeat elements of In Rainbows with acoustic guitars and more super sped up glitchy beats. This song is the first to sound more like an actual song though, by that I mean it has more than one seemingly endless part. In the chorus Thom Yorke says "I'm such a tease and you're such a flirt", further proving suspicion that he's never had sex and is afraid of every human being on Earth. But this is a great track as well, don't let my rambling get you wrong. Likewise, Reviewer guy, who I hope isn't Brett DiCerenso or whatever that dude who wrote his life story and called it a review of Kid A's name is, has finally gotten around to comparing this album to The Bends (NOTHING like it), OK Computer (NOTHING like it), Kid A (Vaguely resembles it at times), and Amnesiac (getting closer but 10 times better than Amnesiac, which is horrible in my opinion).
"Feral" is your token piece of experimental noise. Great background elevator music.
In the ongoing saga of Reviewer guy at Pitchfork's conquest of reviewing this sure to be turning point in hipster history, he has finally gotten around to discussing The King of Limbs. That's right, one whole paragraph where he barely discusses a single song. Who didn't see that? Then he compares it to "Bodysnatchers". (Tim and Eric's) Awesome (show), Great job. You suck at reviewing music competently sir.
"Lotus Flower", absolutely ridiculous music video aside, which shows what happens if you decide to dance in front of your Apple macbook on molly powder for 8 hours alone as Thom Yorke and some Radiohead fans like to do, is another good song. Dark ambience, glitchy percussion and beats, and a nice vocal performance from Thom. His imagery sure seems to relate to nature a lot here. The King of Limbs was named after a tree, did you know that? The echoey repeating vocals work with the glitchy nature to a good effect here.
"Codex" brings back the piano. Radiohead have some very elegant and nicely arranged piano work, I have to say. This one is good, but In Rainbows had better ones. I wonder what Jonny Greenwood, who sold the H in his name to Thom long ago, did with his guitars though? Do you think he even knows how to play an actual guitar riff anymore? Like my long winded off topic friend over at Pitchfork has been doing, he is now reviewing these tracks in another sparse paragraph, before comparing the final track to Neil Young and fucking off with some disparaging words. You know what, enough of his nonsense. That hipster is full of shit and obviously needs to get a grasp on reviewing music. Mr. Mark Pytlik, you sure lick something that's not a pit.
The segue of random nature noise into "Give Up the Ghost" leads to the reappearance of an acoustic guitar, as Thom Yorke echoes over the sparse atmosphere. There's also some bleating horn sounding thing that sounds like a foghorn. And falsettos that make that guy from Muse want to squeeze his balls in a vice and make more bad music.
The album concludes with "Separator", the song that the hipster LD over at Pitchfork referred to as sounding like Neil Young, that old guy who played with Pearl Jam and has never sounded anything like Radiohead. It has an awesome drum loop and more vocals with echo effects. I especially like how Thom Yorke manages to sound more and more like a zombie with every Radiohead album. The guitar line on here halfway through is awesome though, if having a discernable guitar line makes you reminiscent of Neil Young I guess it's kind of like that. It ends with a strong track though.
Overall, Radiohead's new album has proven to lead to a whole lot of humorous results. Pitchfork has rejected the band they once loved so much, hopefully hipsters will follow in suit, and the people who enjoy them can listen to them without the bandwagon of followers. It's pointless to harp on them any longer though, if you like Radiohead, you'll enjoy The King of Limbs.
In short, 4/5
As everybody knows though, it's no OK Computer (rated by me as 90 gazillion/100 gazillion), The Bends (rated 82.77/101.13), Kid A (rated 9000/115500), or In Rainbows (rated 4/5).
- Vin, February 24, 2011
Radiohead
Thom Yorke
Neil Young
The King of Limbs
In Rainbows
Kid A
Amnesiac
Hail to the Thief
Hail To The Theif
OK Computer
Pablo Honey
The Bends
The Eraser
Flying Lotus
Pitchfork
Pitchfork
pitchfork
hipster
fuck hipsters
radiohead sucks
fuck pitchfork
