• Evolution and Death.

    Dic 21 2011, 21:57

    The title isn't misleading at all, it's just highlighting the fact that there will be two parts to this thing. Care to guess what they'll be on? I'm just hilarious.

    Evolution... Is a very ambiguous term, if you think about it. It could mean a lot of things and on a lot of scales. Now, I'd like to concentrate on the concepts of micro-evolution, macro-evolution and reverse evolution.

    Now, if you think of everything you've learned about a human's journey to where we are now and think back to the early stages of development, you'll probably remember that everything was done in groups. Evolutionary movements was synchronized at the time, allowing everyone to move at the same pace. Collective intelligence and all that kind of crap encouraged simultaneous development and the early prototypes of human beings moved more or less together. This is what I'll label macro-evolution, and I'm 140% sure that someone has already done this before me.

    If you take a look a the world outside - it won't take long to realize that macro-evolution isn't there anymore. Why? Because capitalism is the dominant ideology. Capitalism injected the 'individual' and placed it on the pedestal above everything else. Of course there is a lot of irony when you take marketing and consumerism into account, which is basically treating people as a demographic, it's the thought of capitalism that counts, and the point is the individual person. The shift from macro-evolution to micro-evolution occurred and capitalism kind of took that whole thing on board.

    What you see now is a product, a product of macro-evolution. And it can be both encouraging and dangerous. With enough resources, you can fulfill your potential as a human being, but the way the system works is that while providing ones with these 'resources', it makes them unavailable to others. There might be a poor genius out there who can invent an iPhone app that cooks pancakes and puts syrup on top of them, but he doesn't have the education and the software/hardware to do so. And while not exposing ones to opportunities, it encourages people with exceptionally limited potential to take those resources and use them to make crappy iPhone apps that no one gives a flying fuck about. The iPhone apps are just a small example.

    So, exposure to resources can stimulate growth, but it can also encourage a subject to reach a high and stay there. As much as it pains to say this: comfort is a huge problem with a LOT of individuals. Once a degree of comfort is reached, a subject can just stop evolving and start developing the same way technology does these days - not forwards, but sideways. And, in order to stay comfortable, he needs to make sure that there will be people who will always stay below him. Now, on a greater scale, and it's hard to deny, but we need people to do shitty jobs who no one wants to do. So what do you do? Encourage a 'backwards evolution' scenario. Make education harder by introducing distractions - marketing and consumerist culture. This way, it's an individual's fault if he sticks to video games and beer and not education, and it's really hard to put the blame on anything else, since the benefits of an education are more or less obvious.

    I really can't be bothered to expand on the whole subject. Really.
    Moving on...

    Death. A word that brings up mixed emotions in me. A concept that has produced endless fear and fascination. Countless books and movies created and watched on the topic and still, while being exposed to a myriad of points of view, it's impossible for me to settle down on just one.

    In a way, each story needs to have a conclusion, and death is exactly that - a conclusion to one's story. It's inevitable. Well, at this time anyway... And... I don't really know what to write anymore. I have either too many thoughts or not enough of them to keep this up.

    Держись, мам.
    Мы все тебя любим.
  • Tired.

    Nov 9 2011, 11:49

    Strangely, most thoughts seem to manifest themselves after I've submitted some university work. This case isn't an exception, though it's a bit unusual - writing a blog post when I have one more paper due on the 14th of November and I haven't even started, nor do I know what the hell am I supposed to be doing.

    In any case - I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. The the not-all-inclusive everything, but a collective term for the mundane, for the dull and aggravating. But, what can I do? Basically, I can do something. I can do a lot to fix this bullshit issue. Why won't I get off my fat ass and do anything then? Because whining and thinking about it requires less effort and it makes a perfect excuse for, well, a lot of things -

    - Why are you so lazy Aaron?
    - I'm depressed.


    - What's wrong Aaron? Why aren't you doing anything of any kind of importance?
    - Oh, you know, tired of everything.
    - Yeah... I feels ya bro.

    The point here is that I NEED to feel this way in order to make my being lazy legitimate. I need to feel this way to feel like the world is crushing down on me alone, and no one else is affected by it. Ego? Maybe. The compulsive need to seek solace in peoples empathy? You can pretty much bet on that.

    And that's what I'm tired of the most, basically. The more I wallow in this bullshit concept of building my own problems up, the more I realize how fucking fake it really is. I don't feel like I can be genuine to myself, and it's so rooted into me that I sometimes don't even realize when I'm doing it. So, that's why, I guess, thoughts like this and self-scrutiny comes when you take a huge academic shit, because some people believe that there's supposed to be a compensation of knowledge/elements or whatever, that when you sit on your toilet and are taking a shit - brilliant thoughts come to mind. Guess I, by taking a huge academic dump, gained some insight. Or not. Because it's impossible to tell real emotion from imaginative. All emotion might be imaginative, since we are taught to express empathy or any other kind of emotion when we don't really feel that way. The lines might have become so blurred out that we don't know what REAL empathy is. Does it even exist? Could we all just be cynical bastards that need to comply with the norms of our crazy socium in order to function/remain relevant and not cause any trouble to the majority? It seems that way, because humans invented this emotional 'shield', if you will, that sets us apart from the animal kingdom, as some argue. We're not animals because we feel empathy for others. Yeah, fucking slaughter each other, call each other names, being judgmental about external factors. How very fucking empathetic.

    So, does happiness really exist? Probably. But it's such a vague concept that it might not. Happiness is not something that is always in the air and it can be ANYTHING. As I see it, the main mode of functioning is in Neutral, and the rest is just an emotional spectrum that is a reaction to certain stimuli.

    I don't like disbalance, but I believe that it is everywhere in the human psyche. Why do we feel compelled to stress around the negative aspects of our lives? Because we know it's going to get a reaction. Fucking post on facebook something like 'omg, i'm so depressed (sad smiley face)' and see how many reactions you'll get. Post something upbeat and happy like 'Yay! I'm Happy!' and the people will either just 'Like' the comment of just think to themselves 'Well, how fucking good for you'. We learn in everyday life that 'negativity = attention' and the way that the auto-balance system works in this respect, is that you tend to emphasize negativity more, because the ego says you should. You want empathy, don't you? You want support, right? You want people to feel bad for you so you can get recognition out of this world that seems to give more of a fuck about what GaGa wore to the EMAs than that the UK is having a vote for staying in the EU or flipping it the bird? Ego: THEN FUCKING DO AS I SAY.

    There, of course, in the most ideal of all societies and whatnot should be this balance in the happy-unhappy spectrum. So that when happy increases, unhappy increases as well, so that there is a constant state of balance. The way I know that we won't be able to deal with it, is that the increase in unhappy would just result in apathy, because it's more of a core state that needs to be highlighted in order to attract attention. All of this bullshit, I guess, goes back to the 'need someone to acknowledge your existence and you can't exist alone' stuff I've written about.

    Meh... Got a boring-ass lecture in Public Relations right now. Will continue doing this post. Or not. Probably not. Won't.
  • Armenia: Chapter Three.

    Ago 13 2011, 17:43

    I'm a lazy fuck, that's what.
  • Armenia: Chapter Two.

    Lug 11 2011, 13:36

    It's still effin' hot, but today's a really nice day - there's some wind blowing around (yay).

    I'll just get the bad news out of the way in a wee list:
    I started biting the skin under my nails again.
    I'm constantly sweating and I HATE having sticky skin.
    I feel somewhat guilty for spending a lot of time with my brother in the beginning. Felt like I was taking him away from the family and injecting myself into their life. Now I'm feeling guilty for not spending time with him at all /facepalm.
    I wasn't amused by the trip to the "Freedom Radio" at all and I was looking forward to it greatly. Signed up to Radio Aurora (A FUCKING RUSSIAN RADIO!) though.
    I didn't get to see Sevan (a lake) that I really wanted to. We did pass Sevan on our hiking trip though. Looked cool (as in cold) and amazing.
    I've met a person (Anna) who I really would like to continue talking to in person, but I won't be able to. She's awesome.
    I feel tired a lot here because of the heat and people still look at me like they would look at a foreigner. I feel like a black person in Lithuania here at times.
    I don't think I'll be getting my license to drive just yet. Some day - maybe.

    Now on to the good news and stuff:
    I tried a lot of amazing Armenian and Georgian food: hinkali, lamajo, khorovats among others and I got to meet people outside of the circle of my family (Anna being one of them, of course). I've been walking around more on my own and am finally starting to get the hang of the city and an amazing city it is.

    Have been to the botanic gardens here in Yerevan, which are basically abandoned. Me and my nephew sneaked in from the back and didn't have to pay for the entrance (clever, clever). At the centre of the gardens was a huge and abandoned glass building. Inside were all sorts of different plants and trees and living creatures (a turtle, for example. Which I did not see but everyone said it's there somewhere) and right in the middle was a 3-4 storey tree. The tree's branches actually grew out of the "casing" and it looked very Jurassic-Park-ish. Loved it.

    At the studio that I went to (the Internet TV one) I found out a lot of neat stuff that I wondered about. Watched all of the processes involved in producing a news program. Watched the filming, copying, formatting, editing, sending and playing. The anchor reading the news (Вика/Vika) is fucking awesome. Has guts, looks, wit, skills and everything else a good journalist should have. I love that every person giving or participating in an interview knows and respects her. Looks like she has a ton of authoratay (8D). The woman working in editing is one of the most fun people I've met. Needless to say - she's an amazing expert at her job. She uses Edius to edit stuff and now I have Edius on my comp as well. Gonna mess around with it and see where that takes me.

    Fun thing - kids seem to like me and truth be told... They're growing on me as well. Not saying that I'm gonna get married tomorrow and have kids, but I dislike them a bit less than I used to.
    Guess it's all that excitement of having your other uncle around. :D Funny thing, too - there are two types of uncles in Armenia. Hopar - when I'm related to the MALE side of the family (for my brother's children I'm hopar) and Keri - when I'm related to the FEMALE side of the family. Fun stuff. Hopar is actually seen as the "cooler" version of an uncle.

    Did try to leave the hiking trip for the end of this blog/article thingy, but oh well. I WENT EFFIN' HIKING AND IT WAS TO MY LIKING!
    We went as a group with Alina (A daughter of my dad's close friend. Close friend = family in Armenia (usually)) and other people and she was the Trewp Leaduh. Lastiver, oh Lastiver... You are so beautiful.
    Mountains, dense forests, steep pathways, waterfalls, caves and a lot of mountain-climbing (the hiking, not professional kind). The roads were slippery, difficult and risky as fuck, but we made it. Some people got bruised or got a ton of bites, but were still very happy and hyped. Especially when we finally got back to the bus after going through the forests and stuff.
    Got to try pure Armenian mountain water that was running out of a rock which was ice cold and delicious. Drank around 8 liters of water throughout the entire hiking trip and, obviously, was sweating like a damn pig.
    It's a miracle that no one broke any part of their body or didn't fall and die, because the pathways were fucking extreme at times. Having to walk on slippery cliffs was definitely awesome, but I think I got enough adrenaline to last a lifetime.
    One guy actually slipped when we were hanging around the waterfall. Thank god the current didn't catch 'em and he only got wet.
    Was looking forward to seeing some scorpions, mantises, snakes, bears but all I got was a few lizards. The kind that can separate the tip of its tail from the body to escape (and it did it - I lol'd). Didn't see any wolves, either. :( Oh well, maybe next time.
    I uploaded some of the pics to FB, so if anyone wants a peek - look for them there.
    The most amazing thing is that My body doesn't hurt after the trip, though my legs seemed like they were going to explode yesterday - I woke up feeling fine. A bit tired, but perfectly fine. Guess I really am in shape (somewhat) 8D.

    I was worried that the 6 kilos I managed to gain in 2 weeks (and I lost weight in the UK, actually) here in Armenia would slow me down. FUCK NO THEY DIDN'T. I'm finally a bit wider.

    Eating a lot of meat here and a lot of home-baked goods. Damn, everything is so delicious that I can't even stop eating. Feels like you need to finish it all. Tons of meat every fucking day but no more beer. Me and my hopar-jan learned our lesson. We stayed up late and were drinking some beer and then couldn't sleep at night. The heat generated from the beer actually kept us awake. It was a nightmare. We made it through the night, however and decided never to drink any beer before bed.

    Funny thing - I made friends with almost all the taxi drivers that were driving me around (the cost per kilometer is 27 American cents. That makes moving around very easy). One taxi driver was named Hamlet and knew some of the lines from the play. Epic shit right there.
    Another fun name that I came across was Mels. Any guesses on what that means? Didn't think so. :D It's an acronym for Marx Engels Lenin Stalin. Another variation of the name was Lems, but I didn't meet anyone with that name (yet) - only heard about it.

    Well, I guess that's it for now. Mind you, there's a lot more, but I can't really write everything here and I'm running out of steam. So, for now, I wish all of you who bother to read these good luck!



    P.S Armenian people are still fucking awesome. 8D
  • Armenia: Chapter One.

    Giu 26 2011, 22:02

    Have been at the balcony a few moments ago and once again checked out the view. Thought maybe I could get a clue on what to start with ...guess this will have to do. :-) Let me just put some XX on.


    Well... First of all - the view. I can see half of Yerevan as my aunt's place is situated on a mountain/hill (and she lives on the 6th floor). It's all shiny and beautiful and haunting and... Well, you get the point. During the day you can see Ararat in the background - it's like a wallpaper. It's just there and you see it from most of the higher places in Yerevan.

    The city center is magnificent and I think I fell in love with the "Northern Prospect" which is all fancy shops, tall buildings and a seemingly never ending breeze (mostly love the breeze ;-))

    The people here are just... Well, different would be the most accurate word to use, in all honesty. Close friends are like brothers and they hug and kiss each other on the cheek when they meet. People are mostly very talkative and welcoming and there's this sense of togetherness when you see tons of people gather around a Musical Fountain in the centre of Yerevan. Seems special.

    Drivers are pretty reckless and by pretty reckless I mean FUCKING reckless. My brother's friend, Misha, was doing 100 km/h along a busy road in the city centre. Needless to say rules are quite bendy here. People don't wear their seat belts, they drive like crazy and they get away with it. As long as everyone understand each other - it's fine.

    Mainly, I'm hanging around with my brother Armen and he takes me to random places and random friends and people and we just have a good time. It was pretty fun being around 30+ Y/O's who talk in Armenian and explain jokes in Russian. Had 100500 tons of food today and quite a few beers but... strangely, I feel just fine. Only a bit hungry. :D

    Been to a proper casino for the first time in my life and was watching people lose quite a lot of money playing poker. The air in the casino was pretty heavy and everyone had a very concentrated look. Didn't like it at all. Especially the stories of friends losing their cars, houses and so on just because they don't know when to stop. Well, at least the drinks are free as long as you play and they even provide you with a free taxi ride to and from the casino.

    It's a funny thing when you see a few mountains in your life and think that it's a lot. When we went for a drive outside Yerevan - I understood why Yerevan is situated where it's situated. Basically, it seems like the only plain-ish place in Armenia. My family's fed up with the Armenian landscapes, but I found it pretty amazing. Love it.
    ^ (I'll post pics a bit later)

    There are tons of stars in the sky and it's really a sight to behold. Especially on a cloudless night on a big balcony. It's very cool and refreshing and with some good music it might be one of the best experiences ever.

    Have seen some of the family and friends, naturally. Got to hang out with most of them and some of them just came to see me and left. Have seen two concerts already here (free ones) and on the same day. It was the international day against drug addiction or something. both bands were incredible and I loved that people just started dancing in the streets instead of just doing the army two-step.

    Have tried home-made wine and juice (epic) and all sorts of Armenian bread and national dishes and such (also epic).

    Armen got asked to be a driver for a friend's wedding 'cause his car is amazing and awesome (which he takes care of and truly loves) and I got to come along. We took the piss out of EVERYTHING. Srsly. Had a real blast.

    Generally, I'm learning a lot of interesting things about Armenian people and culture. The contrast of rich and poor is pretty shocking, but there's nothing I can do about it at the moment. Rich people are getting richer and poor people are getting poorer.
    Seeing the things some of the family has to deal with makes you feel like you have no mouth or eyes. You feel like something should be said - but you just don't say anything. Not saying it's all that bad, but some moments are just like that.

    The casino part of town won't go out of my head for a while. There's a mini Las Vegas there and \, well, not all of the casinos are packed, but they all have at least 5 people in them. Mostly - the poor; praying to which ever god they believe in to get them a good hand.

    Ehh... The bittersweet beauty of Armenia. Why are you so breathtakingly suffocating?

    Going to start my first day at 'work' tomorrow (today). Going to observe how operators work. The filming processes and such. Editing will come a bit later and afterwards - scriptwriting, journalism and my favourite - radio. Can't wait... But I'm really tired from today's myriad of events. I just want to go to bed to some nice music. But first, I'll take this to the balcony, grab a chair and admire the view.

    If you'd like to tune in - please, be my guest. Just grab some headphones, pretend you're feeling a cool and gentle breeze blowing through your hair and this soft and dry mountain air. Remember to relax and smile. It's a beautiful world out here. Endlessly welcoming, endlessly beautiful, endlessly bittersweet and endlessly ...endless? :-)

    This should help you guys tune in:


    (can't embed - something's wrong with last.fm :D)


  • Ego.

    Mag 14 2011, 17:17

    I have no idea how this is going to turn out, as I'm stressed and can't contain a single thought without it vining into something completely different.

    After watching Serial Experiments Lain (for the second time), I connected it with the previous posts of mine that dealt with the representation of one's self and how one must rely on another to "exist".

    "What isn't remembered - never happened. If you aren't remembered - you never existed," said Arisu and smiled, after Lain had deleted herself from everyone's existence.

    We are, basically, represented through others. Our "self" is a cluster of information carried and achieved through others - interaction with others on all different levels of communication. For the ego to manifest itself, it must first undergo the process of aligning/positioning itself against the "others". So, in fact, we depend on others a bit more than we think we do. Could use misanthropy as an example: you don't make yourself hate humans; humans make you hate humans (considering it's a real situation, and not a person throwing words around). Basically, others make you act the way you do, as your opinions/stances rely on the "other". <-- that example is a little indirect, but you get the idea.

    Another point which I'd like to raise is that which has everything to to with "character". Not the temperament, per se, but the subject.

    Your character, as you present it in the "real world", is only a set of actions that you've executed and the analytical produce of others regarding those actions. Since the psyche is a restricted area and you can't really share your subconscious with anyone (though there are means of analyzing it), you can never be fully understood or perceived in one way only. Perception, when it comes to a character, opens up a myriad of routes, and the road from A to B will most definitely be different for individual subjects, as a lot of factors start rolling in (Personal experience, time invested and so on). And this is a fairly "Captain Obvious" observation.

    A penultimate (lol) observation in this post will be about stereotyping and my pissy attitude towards some aspects of it.

    There are immeasurable amounts of criticism surrounding the "Imperialist" era of white history. I'm not denying that it was wrong and low to exploit human beings and I'm in no way saying that black people are somehow less smart or less driven than white people (although I do think that black people tend to have a better sense of humour than white folk), but I think racism should stop getting as much attention from scholars and researchers and academics as it is right now.

    Some did write that all racism comes from fear (more or less), others said that it's because of the "imperialist" view on skin colour. Some said that it's both (will count myself amongst those numbers). Stereotyping is basically reducing a person to the most redundant traits that he may (OR EVEN MAY NOT) carry. Of course, from the side of media discourse, which tends to grasp as many points of view as possible, it's easy to see why this is such a touchy subject. Racism is not over, yes, but it only takes place in a form of small-minded hatred in most cases.

    Now, I'm not denying that there is still a lot of prejudice around in some countries (Lithuania and Russia, for example) towards black folk, but it's only a matter of time. The fear of "mixing blood" is still around from the "imperialist" era of white history and it is slowly, yet surely, fading away. BUT! by trying to take matters into their own hands, white people are still neglecting (in a way) the capability of black people to fend for themselves. There were lots of black activists and there are even more around nowadays. Black folk have all the necessary tools they need in order to fight racism now (laws and media acceptance), so why not let them take matters into their own hands and help them, instead of trying to be the driving force? It's a bit sad to see that it's made to look as if white people were responsible for EVERY breakthrough in the fight against racism.

    The "we fixed everything" attitude has got to come to a stop. Although it's a nice way of fighting the guilt and shame brought on my that dark period of white history (oh, how poetic).

    And, lastly, I wanted to raise the topic of God (god).

    As I have debated with friends and family on this topic for quite a while, I'll state yet again that I'm more or less agnostic when it comes to religion. As a future media researcher (hopefully), I can't deny ANY kind of probability when it comes to the creation of life/the universe or w/e. BUT, when people say that God created the universe and say that EVERYTHING has an author (a beginning) in this world and deny that God then, too, should have a beginning and an author (following their own logic), to me is nonsense.

    The worst thing about Catholics and Christians (to me) is that particular aspect of their religion.
    In math, no matter how you twist it, 0 will always be a 0. But when you introduce God, 0 suddenly becomes a flipped 8. And their defence is that the human mind is just unable to comprehend God. If it's unable to comprehend it, then what the fuck are you doing "comprehending" it?

    This is the greatest paradox of religion. That God opens up an infinite portal where one God should create another God and so on. Sure, the creation of the universe is an interesting subject and an intriguing question. Perhaps we don't have enough knowledge yet, or the answer is just too simple to see, or what ever else.

    People are interested and scared, yes, but why not just leave the subject alone? If one is devoted to seeking an answer to that question all his life, then so be it. But the question still remains as elusive and open to debate as it was thousands of years ago. You'll find out (or not) after your last breaths.

    So there you have it. Sorry for the lack of structure towards the end, but I just needed to put these things aside in hopes of somehow concentrating more on my exams. Wish me luck.


  • Let down.

    Mar 23 2011, 10:54

    A headful of voices, yet nothing to say,
    A mouthful of choices, yet they won’t sway.
    Defiant, this guilt, and rapid the shame –
    Perception of “real” just got one more stain.

    Amplified senses, a pain in the gut;
    But then again empty and vain like a slut.
    A case in which logic denies a mistake
    Is just an example of feelings at stake.

    How great it must feel to shut yourself down,
    To put on your headphones and drown in a sound.
    The last time I did so seems centuries ago -
    I drowned in a let-down and can’t let it go.
  • Circular distortion.

    Feb 21 2011, 13:44

    In memory of Александр Черток. I love you, дядь Саша.
    Don't think he would approve of such themes, but I don't think he minds.

    Here it is.
    This one is written in a less formal manner. Less technical stuff. :-)
    Mind you, this is just a thought collective from lectures and observations; a clusterfuck of random information, if you will.

    This will have to do everything with gender and sexuality. Just a heads up.

    Freud once asserted that there are two things: sexuality and gender, one of which is a biological product, while the other one is a societal one.
    Nietzsche and Freud talked about bisexuality as the human nature. That doesn't mean every man or woman is bisexual, but, as I understand, that we are exposed to a narrow "vision" of sexuality. As children, we only see it go one way (most cases). That's why now there is a certain "boom" of homosexuality - people can easily find out they likes and dislikes with the help of sources of information, can find like-minded people.
    Homosexuality always existed and some tend to forget that. Going back to the classic example of Greece, where the love between a man and another man was considered the highest form of love (a part of their history they're not particularly proud of it).
    Of course, there was a lot of fog raised around the gay culture and there are gay stereotypes (obviously). However, a lot of irony came out of the gay culture trying to position itself in society. Let's never forget the classic Skinheads bashing gay people and how the gay culture took their Skinhead look and applied it to itself. Now, when people see a skinhead, they might think "Gay" or "Fetishist" or whatever else.
    Same was with the homogeny surrounding the "Alpha Male" stereotype. A perfect male with huge muscles who is strong, rarely shows any signs of emotions and so on - gays started breaking that stereotype as well.
    Rock Hudson, as famous American actor might fall as a classic example of ^ that. He used to be a stereotype of the perfect American: tall, dark, handsome, responsible, faithful, etc. Only a few people knew that he was in fact gay. When the word spread about it (after his death), people were ...shocked. How can a gay man be a man?!
    Also, there is a lot of curiosity and rumours surrounding camp men. One thing - camp doesn't mean gay. Thank you Johnny Depp and Keanu Reeves for not sharing too much of your personal life and breaking that "camp = gay" stereotype.

    Taking the observations to women now.
    It's sad that society only recognized you, wonderful women, as actual people only fairly recently. Of course - Kudos to the feminist movement.
    In my view, however, that freedom came at a certain price - the line between biological genders is becoming thinner. Since a woman needs to prove herself twice as hard (not all the time, but sometimes), she will gain some "manly" attributes. We push women to the limit and DEMAND that they should break out of the "feminine" stereotype and then punish them for doing so - a strong woman is often called a lesbian.
    Let's not forget about our so-called phallocentric society, where most of the narratives are from a man's perspective or where if there's a woman as the main character, there will often be a man leading the narration. Even the size of the "women" part of this entry is sexist! (joke). :-)

    Funny thing is, that if you appreciate male beauty, you're considered gay or bisexual. I'm a man myself, shouldn't I be able to compare and contrast myself to other men in appearance, compliment a man for looking good or dressing good? I should.
    With women, it's a lot safer. There's a thing called "woman's appreciation of self", to men - a no-go territory.
    Another Ironic thing is that most of the stylists designing clothes and predicting fashion trends for women (and for heterosexual men to enjoy) are gay. Basically, gay men are dictating what straight men consider "hot" or "not".

    I guess, the bottom line in all of this is that sexuality by no means defines what kind of person you are. You can be gay and smart or stupid, it works in any way. Sexuality only defines your likes and dislikes in sexual preferences, why take it farther than that?
    Sexuality is just that - sexuality. As a society with at least some intellect in us, we should be able to look at and explore what really matters, and not just dismiss a person on the basis of his preferences.

    Sorry for the long wait on this, the two and a half people who actually read this. :-)

    The video and song is random. Was listening to this a lot while writing the journal. Enjoy.

  • Nude.

    Feb 11 2011, 11:29

    I named it "Nude" because:
    1. I love the song.
    2. You'll get the point.

    Since I failed on my last essay for Journalism and Society (module), I've been trying to think of reasons why.
    It's a bit early to have such a revelation, age-wise, but hey.

    I know I’m not the most generally liked person on the planet. However, as much as those people with hats and fancy clothing who call themselves ‘intellectuals’ want to push the notion of “bad attention isn’t better than no attention at all” – they’re wrong.
    At least, they’re wrong for me.
    Since I came to England from an atmosphere where I used to share, converse and absorb it’s been a strange ‘adventure’. While writing the essay on Media and Communications, a thought popped into my head, that no one is what they are, everyone’s what society lets them to be.
    I acknowledge this particular person as a lecturer, my perception of him is bound to my own and his reality respectively. One will be named a particular role as long as he fulfills it - lecturer not giving any lectures is perceived as false.
    Returning to the more personal angle of this notion - back at home, my existence was acknowledged, I had a certain role I was meant to fulfill, because society, or some part of society, bound their perception of me to me. Changing the scenery completely and injecting myself into a completely new socium, the perception of that “me” changed and with it, my own perception of myself shifted.
    Being no longer perceived as relevant or interesting, one grows to be bound to that view of him; channels of communication become shut, for fear of deepening the hegemony surrounding one’s “self”.
    I guess the notion applies to the saying “It’s not cheating until you get caught” in a way. One must be recognized as a cheater in order to be perceived as one.
    Strangely, none of these thoughts would occur if I wouldn’t have listened to Nude.
    You paint yourself white
    and fill up with noise
    but there'll be
    something missing.
    Now that you've found it - it's gone,
    now that you feel it - you don't. (Or at least that’s how I hear the lyrics. Sue me)

    Reality is truly a hilarious concept. Its subjectivity is overwhelming at times, however. Life is like a job interview after job interview, where you try to push and sell yourself as a product for that one thing the ego craves most – acknowledgement of its existence.
    This is not being apathetic; mind you, this is merely a series of empirical observations. Just to give your perception of yourself a few questions and a few answers to be found.
    Love it or hate it, my opinion is allowed to air. The “post” button says so.

  • I'm going slightly GaGa.

    Gen 20 2011, 20:22

    Okay! Before anyone starts hat---; okay, no one reads these anyway.

    Let's start this off with a little quote: The truth will be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. - Aldous Huxley

    At first, I thought it was about the music industry, the ideas and lifestyles that popped up from most of the pop artists. But then, upon deeper analysis, I started thinking… Basically, what’s popular is mostly relevant, so, assuming people find most of the things they listen/relate to relevant (specially the messages that popular music started to carry) just blew my mind.

    Let’s drop the facts that auto-tune, sing-talking and sucking a lot of dick has become a substitute for talent and look at the ideals that some of the songs portray. “Bad Romance” was pushed as a love song by GaGa, but her singing about how she wants a vertical stick in her rear window, and wanting it rough, sounds just like a mating call, blurred out by dance music, of course. Ke$ha’s popularity is just more proof that relevance within the average contemporary society has become reductive.

    It’s a bit scary when you think that GaGa’s videos have over 1.5 billion views on YouTube alone. It’s even scarier to think that Justin Bieber has around the same number of views. As much as people would like to say that yes, they have talent and yes, they can perform, let’s discuss another interesting aspect: why don’t other people who can sing/perform even better aren’t half as famous? – Money. Sad but true.

    GaGa seems alright in all of her interviews, claiming that she dresses the way she does just to comfort people who feel different because she was an outcast herself. Sounds like marketing to gay people to me, which she doesn’t really deny, mind you. Justin Bieber’s target audience is just too obvious - 9-15 y/o girls. JB nail polish? Yeah right.
    Okay. Clever marketing was definitely used here. Millions have been poured in; now a whole fucking lot more is being poured out. But what does this “music” do to the average Joe? Let’s see. A simple example would be a post on a random GaGa video saying I don’t like her look and/or music. From a GaGa fan, you would get a somewhat similar reply (most of the time) : “LOL fk u bastrd u dun know talent she amazing and she very good singer n performer so fk u!”. Post on a Queen or Radiohead song: “Cool story, bro.” or “Go back to GaGa then!”

    People, with all the recent “talent” that popped up have just become more obsessive of what they idolize and of course music stopped portraying any decent thoughts and/or values that go beyond the “box” of everyday thinking. Songs with interesting themes, poetic lyrics, clever and interesting rhyming even have dropped somewhere beyond the interest of the average Joe.

    It seems that the gay culture gets the biggest slap on the face. While I refuse to believe that if you’re gay, you blindly fuck whatever’s moving, research proved otherwise. From “I like to fuck to bad romance” to “I’m your biggest fan – I’ll follow you until you fuck me”, it’s clear that the people who are behind GaGa have succeeded in doing what they wanted to.

    Okay. Done with the brainless ranting and pissed semi-argued points.

    Let’s return to where we started: The truth will be drowned in a sea of irrelevance, feared one Aldous Huxley.
    Taking a look at what’s going on within the contemporary media and once again bringing up the point where something must stay/be relevant to gain a greater degree of popularity, it’s hard to leave the fact that intellectually-challenging material has been pushed aside. While iconographical symbolism will never disappear and the drive to explore iconological symbolism is most definitely missing (for the journey to knowledge would be as shallow as the artist him/herself). While ones still prefer research beyond the visible paradigms, the majority find comfort within other things.

    Finding comfort within nothing of the intellectually stimulating, people drown themselves in the so-called sea of irrelevance (Thank you Mr. Huxley for the wonderful quote, once more). From idolizing superficiality to promoting stereotypical demeanor, some have found it to be the typical and right thing to do. Why? - Because the idols tell them to. Rarely do people look up to someone who promotes intellect and more often it’s the people who promote a shallow lifestyle who get the most attention.

    A simple answer to the shift of common interest would be that it’s a lot easier to be ignorant or shallow or “dumb” (do excuse my usage of such colloquial language in this most serious post). The more complex answer to this would be that an individual always needs support and confirmation of his existence, otherwise life might seem useless. To follow your own path, means one will get bruised and hurt – rarely does one enjoy that. But to follow a safe, common path has become the “logical” solution. Why do I need to risk being shunned and alienated when I can stay relevant while promoting and mimicking common/average discourse? See what I did there? I gave a more complex answer but the theme of the answer still remained the same.

    As much as one might think that it’s every man for himself – it’s not. We are all building the future together (pathos, pathos, pathos). To ignore the suffering of one is to ignore the suffering of many. But here’s the irony: we, the “thinking” ones, are what’s wrong. Savior has become the enemy – pretty common in literature, isn’t it? <- that was 911 words.

    The most important thing to pull out of all of this is that you must stand firm and trust what you believe in until logic and experience prove you otherwise (to quote Daria Morgendorfer). We are all unique, we are all irreplaceable, but we need to work together to provide a brighter tomorrow (once again – pathos, pathos, pathos). Ones who lead a shallow existence – think. What will people remember of you when you pass away? What sort of legacy will you leave behind by loudly worshiping all that is superficial and meaningless? (to partially quote Jane Lane).

    I’m out of this bitch.