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recommended suicide methods

1. surviving a nuclear bomb
2. killing your nemesis
3. being white
4. blowing yourself up without killing anyone else
5. puking and then eating your puke in a loop
6. enjoying anime in public
7. snorting
8. unwillingness to sexually experiment
9. thinking that "minions" are funny
10. shooting yourself in the dick 60 times
11. not being cool enough
12. decomposing while still alive
13. drinking tiger blood until something bad happens
14. starving to death and then eating your corpse
15. not knowing
16. political internet forums
17. literally fucking your own brains out
18. a lifetime of sadness
19. eating mustard from a jar like some fucking hog
20. trusting people
21. actually commiting suicide
22. those really illegal websites
23. dying "ironically"
24. making soup out of your soul
25. jumping out of an airplane before take-off

"I moan beside record player, cradling self, desiring praise. I set out to create art. A record player is a novelty, I wanted to go beyond a spinning vinyl blob, the big clog of shit, so expressionless waddling in circular motion, drilling into my being. I set out to make my visions a reality, I wanted art to be on the tracklist. Flipping empty records cover art revealing nothing but shallow concepts, unrealized mystery lacking reality, never seemingly colliding. I wanted art spinning on a record player, dreams in maddening rotation in patient swirls. I took off my pants and set out for a great height, I slouched down up top of expressionless record player putting all those visions out of cages in my head embarking shit out of me all over it. Big gloopy blobs crawling out of deep tunnels, producing art in mechanical motion and with sudden ironic soulless nothing with movement moving repeating without thought. Nobody could judge me, and I could do whatever I wanted, and all ramblings, endless chains, and non-stopping letters made sense to a sudden useless mind. With droppings like brown waterfalls maddeningly icing inedible cake in thick layers shamelessly never seemingly realizing itself over spinning needle on an empty surface waking no response for the beauty I was creating. I was creating art and nobody was present, empty digital chambers hollow, catering to an empty abyss with tumbleweed dangling from asshole clogged with the beholder's beauty and artist's creation now seemingly endless in nothing like void words in concert halls. Poopy record player, no five star review."

me on christmas day 1994

"Above is a meme, a tragic meme, "fucking great meme" they all said. I didn't make a meme, I stole this one, this meme right there, fellas. A fraudster, destined to become the meme king. Strapped to a belt, a million years of reddit gold, 9GAG dummy accounts, 4chan passes and endless summers of frisky memes. I loved memes as a kid, sweet memories of memes all summer long. I grew up with the "rick roll" meme, pool closed man, Brian Peppers, Chris Chan, Numa Numa Guy, all the best memes that we all cherish. I knew I'd be a memer when I was 11 years old and I started practicing memes in my backyard after school.

By the time I was in high school, all my friends had already made a sexy meme. I tried to make a sexy meme with this girl I liked called Alex, but I didn't really know how to do it. I tried to ask my dad, but he didn't think I was old enough. I figured that I'd get my chance at the next big meme party my friends were throwing. I made good ass memes for a week straight, hyping myself up, I was getting excited. It was a real treat when I saw Alex at the party, she had a tight dress that stuck to her butt quite nicely. Over her breasts was the Sad Frog, one of my personal favorite memes. I was turned on, I felt myself getting 21 boners and in a haze of [10] Guy memes, drunken hijinks and teenage confusion I asked her straight up to let me make a meme with her. It was crazy, you wouldn't believe it. I wasn't very good, I'd made lots of memes on my own, and I even got 124 reddit upvotes on a really epic one I posted once, but I'd never done one with a girl before. I grabbed the Sad Frogs covering her breasts and I pulled them aside. Her tits were nice, I yelled "this is what it feels like to chew 5 Gum" and I could feel her getting excited. She was loving my good ass knowledge of all the funny memes she loved. Her nipples were full on erect and I started making the best meme of my life. We didn't use a condom, so I didn't last very long, but I managed to post 3 Socially Awesome Penguins to memegenerator before I finally blew it."
- user on LiveJournal, paraphrased without permission

<reptilejesus5892>: i bet that blunt was as fat as you fredoom you midget fuck
<reptilejesus5892>: i bet that blunt was as fat as you fredoom you midet fuck
<reptilejesus5892>: haha 420 shut the hell up nerd
<reptilejesus5892>: mmmmmmmmmhf
<reptilejesus5892>: i bet that blunt was as fat as you fredoom you midget fuck

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