• The wisest words I've ever read on /mu/

    Gen 23 2015, 6:49

    Listen to music that is enjoyable to listen to. Disregard everything else. That's the only rule. You're not gaining anything by listening to music except entertainment. You're not broadening your horizons, you're not increasing your intelligence, you're not getting cultured.

  • Internet metal nerds suck

    Lug 20 2011, 4:07

    I've never understood how certain types of douchebags seem to make up the majority of metal's fanbase on the internet. I mean, whereas in real life people listen to what sounds good to them for the fun of it, these types are in some contest to "out-elite" one another, outright shun certain styles e.g. "-core", "groove" (especially on shitty forums like Metal-Archives), praise only the most pedestrian, tepid shit that no one's ever heard of, and get into constant debates about how things that clearly are metal (e.g. Rammstein and nu-metal) are not. Oh, and don't forget, anything with melody or actual songwriting skills sucks, is "gay", "sugary" etc. I was once interested in metal but the douchebag fanbase put me way off. It's best for me to imagine that it doesn't exist and just try to enjoy the music on its own.

    Is there a single metal forum out there where I can find tolerable people with normal tastes, and not some try-hard pissing contest bullshit? Other than going to the individual forums of the bands I like, and even those seem to draw in one or two douchebags who stick around making a thousand posts and spread their bitterness like a tumor.
  • A thought on Autopsy's Mental Funeral

    Feb 26 2011, 6:22

    Edit: I take it back, shitsux. Oh well, read on anyway.

    A thread on /mu/ actually inspired me to give Mental Funeral another whirl. I used to listen to this a lot as a teen, then I shelved it and forgot about it. It really is a good album, in a very unique and "indie" style for death metal. The songs are different from each other and unconventional without being wanky or "technical". It's quite melodic, actually; probably the biggest draw of it is that it creates the sewerish, eerie atmosphere that it does through actual melody and music, and not through sounding like shit. It doesn't sound like the typical chunky spastic explosion death metal with clickfest drumming. I would describe it as Deerhoof going death metal. A lot of the more exotic leads on it give it a sound similar to Death's song "Zombie Ritual". I'd recommend it to anyone who doesn't know anything about death metal and feels adventurous. Unfortunately, like Dissection, I also think there's none better in its league, or even bands that sound alike. The bigger Swedish death metal bands all overdo it and sound more conventional. Maybe there's some obscure Autopsy clone I forgot about?
  • From a metal thread in /mu/

    Set 18 2010, 8:55

    Finally, a kindred spirit.

    Metal is for developmentally-disabled manchildren. Grow up or GTFO. Weedly weedly assfaggotry for lonely neckbeards who have the attention span of a gnat. Yuck. You're just a kid. You don't know jack-shit about anything. Pretty soon you'll grow out of this angry, morose teenager bullshit. The sooner the better. If you were actually bright, you'd realize you're the ones here with a below average IQ and a mild tendency towards sociopathy. Mostly though, you're just unlikable and socially awkward. Many of you will get past that when you grow up. The rest of you will become basement dwellers for life, and a select few of you will turn into goofy ponytailed help-desk workers who are eventually hauled out of the office for having child porn---surprising none of the rest of us.

    - Anon


    I don't hate metal, I just feel indifferent towards it. I can't really explain it. I think it's just boring and most of them sound alike. Well, unless you get into the other million "SUB GENRES" but it's still boring and kind of pretentious.

    All the names and songs titles sound like some teenager trying to be edgy and controversial but just ends up sounding stupid and pathetic. It sounds clumsy and awkward, with too much emphasis on corny shit. Tacky imagery, too. Most metal covers have the sort of design you'd find airbrushed on some white trash hick's pickup truck. Music-wise I don't like harsh/screaming vocals and wanky guitar solos. Most metal songs lack vocals with actual melodies. Overall, I dislike it for the same reasons I dislike rap or hip hop—just lack of diversity and melody, or even the most subtle use of harmony.

    Also, the metalheads I've met carry themselves in a self-righteous manner. It's silly and makes me laugh.

    Listening to metal music and its vocals is like having sex with a person who shrieks at the top of her lungs the entire time. Except instead of having sex with you, she stomps on your nuts, because the instrumental aspect of metal is awful as well. br00tal M3tal is for neckbeards and tween virgins.

    Applies to: Burzum Gorgoroth Deicide Akercocke Behemoth Morbid Angel
  • Best of 2000s

    Ago 14 2010, 16:58

    For my own reference, and because I went through the effort for a /mu/ thread and don't want it to go to waste, here's apparently my favourite album from each year of the 2000s, as far as I can remember. 2001 and 2002 had a lot of contenders, then like a turd the decade slowly tapered off. 2009 had almost nothing going for it.

    2000: Children of Bodom - Follow the Reaper
    2001: Ensiferum - Ensiferum
    2002: Blind Guardian - A Night at the Opera
    2003: Enslaved - Below the Lights
    2004: Tudor Gheorghe - Petrecerea Cu Taraf (Trimite Vorba)
    2005: Savage Circus - Dreamland Manor
    2006: Pagan Reign - Tverd
    2007: Paraziții - Slalom Printre Cretini
    2008: Tverd - Follow the Sun's Way
    2009: Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion

    Shit sucks.
  • Burzum is plagiarriffic

    Mag 10 2010, 5:25

    Not just shitty, but unoriginal too!

    Logo font for Burzum/Belus = Brodequin logo font

    I knew that shit looked familiar the first time I saw it...
  • Therion ripped off Candlemass a long ass time ago

    Mar 4 2010, 2:48

    Verse riff of Therion's "The Return" from their first album (1992 or someshit) sounds just like the verse riff from Candlemass's "Dark are the Veils of Death" from Nightfall (1987). Both bands are from Sweden. I think Therion were like 17 when they released that first album and Candlemass are a pretty killer band so they're forgiven. It's not the first time a death metal band ripped off Candlemass - Nile have their own "tribute" to Gothic Stone on Unas, Slayer of the Gods.




  • A thought.

    Feb 14 2010, 3:37

  • Metal vs. Anime

    Feb 3 2010, 5:44

    Not a lot of time to spend on this one but metal is a lot like anime: fandoms of young people are infatuated with something low-quality, formulaic and in bad taste, all the while convinced that it's the deepest, most meaningful shit ever and superior to any "mainstream" forms. Just as the intended audience of anime is Japanese 12 year olds, so too does metal appeal to the 12 year old in the driver's seat of every metal-loving manchild's cumbersome frame. Anime fans brag endlessly about how a lot of anime is "mature" in content, but the reality is that the only thing setting apart "mature" anime from the childish pap that is regular anime are cartoon boobs and geysers of blood (instead of, say, a thought-provoking message). Metal fans suffer from a similar delusion, thinking that pentagrams, inverted crosses, lyrics about how much you hate Christ, album art of gory nun porn, blastbeats, screeching and an overall angsty, disgruntled sound are the hallmark of maturity. They're not, you goddamn fucking idiots.

    Metal fans see something like this and instead of laughable find it relatable, maybe because it looks like something a middle-schooler would make and metal fans are either mentally or chronologically still 13. They see some band dressing up with plastic horned helmets, some douchebag in a cape posing with a mace that looks more like a dildo or album art of an imagined viking hacking down a cross and actually think (if that word is even applicable) "wow, what a deep and powerful message these guys have!" instead of being repulsed by the boorishness and idiocy behind each of those things. Metal fans seem oblivious or perhaps just accepting of the fact that Metal is cheap, shallow, kitsch, artless garbage and generally in bad taste. I'm sure the thought processes that go on in the minds of 13 year olds who are obsessed with Naruto are the same as in those who actually think Burzum is good, and I hope that in my life I'll never relate to either.

    In the defense of anime at least it has some eye candy sequences that might impress you visually with the quality of the animation, while in metal, even the shreddiest of shred metal is boring and uninspiring. All the "thinking man's metal" bands (and there are a lot of them, keeping in mind that one camp's "intellectual" metal is the bane of another when ironically they both suck) are meaningless and lacking in depth, delivering exactly the transparent attempt at "smart ppl music" that you might expect from a metalhead. Whether you listen to Dream Theater, Fates Warning, Agalloch, Opeth, Enslaved, Burzum and other bedroom black metal shit or Gorguts and Morbid Angel, it all sounds like an intellectually limited attempt at trying to mold a pile of shit into something more than it is (in the case of the black metal, not even getting past the pile of shit phase). That's not to say that each of those bands is equally bad; Dream Theater are easily the best of that bunch and have some good moments, but they're entire orders of magnitude below Gentle Giant, Gryphon and what might be described as good music.

    But I digress; I could go on about the how both metal and anime are redundant as fuck but whatever, I've spent enough time writing about worthless childrens' pastimes. Instead I'll leave you with a site that showcases human idiocy at its greatest, providing a display even more pathetic than anything you might see at an anime convention. Enjoy.
  • Black Metal? More like, bad music.

    Nov 22 2009, 20:20

    Black Metal: the art of taking a rudimentary fragment of music and drawing it out as much as possible. Why do people praise this stuff so much? Image aside, musically it's very empty and sparse. To give an example, playing a simple riff over and over again or a bunch of tremolo-picked power chord rotations and throwing in some slight variations on that (a beat or growl on top, or maybe, finally, the guitar melody you were getting at) is the laziest form of music-making possible. Instead of presenting a musical idea and then going to another one, like in better forms of music (even pop music), they try to draw out the morsel of creativity they had by revealing it in stages in lieu of actual songwriting talent and effort.

    That's just one example of why Black Metal sucks. I doubt there's anyone who isn't a complete idiot that genuinely likes this shit. The other people that claim to "like" it are either impressionable teens or unaccomplished, incompetent manchildren who think hanging on to "metal" actually gives them some worth in life.