Sabato 18 Set 2010, 4:55

Finally, a kindred spirit.

Metal is for developmentally-disabled manchildren. Grow up or GTFO. Weedly weedly assfaggotry for lonely neckbeards who have the attention span of a gnat. Yuck. You're just a kid. You don't know jack-shit about anything. Pretty soon you'll grow out of this angry, morose teenager bullshit. The sooner the better. If you were actually bright, you'd realize you're the ones here with a below average IQ and a mild tendency towards sociopathy. Mostly though, you're just unlikable and socially awkward. Many of you will get past that when you grow up. The rest of you will become basement dwellers for life, and a select few of you will turn into goofy ponytailed help-desk workers who are eventually hauled out of the office for having child porn—surprising none of the rest of us.

Addendum:

I don't hate metal, I just feel indifferent towards it. I can't really explain it. I think it's just boring and most of them sound alike. Well, unless you get into the other million "SUB GENRES" but it's still boring and kind of pretentious.

All the names and songs titles sound like some teenager trying to be edgy and controversial but just ends up sounding stupid and pathetic. It sounds clumsy and awkward, with too much emphasis on corny shit. Tacky imagery, too. Most metal covers have the sort of design you'd find airbrushed on some white trash hick's pickup truck. Music-wise I don't like harsh/screaming vocals and wanky guitar solos. Most metal songs lack vocals with actual melodies. Overall, I dislike it for the same reasons I dislike rap or hip hop—just lack of diversity and melody, or even the most subtle use of harmony.

Also, the metalheads I've met carry themselves in a self-righteous manner. It's silly and makes me laugh.

Listening to metal music and its vocals is like having sex with a person who shrieks at the top of her lungs the entire time. Except instead of having sex with you, she stomps on your nuts, because the instrumental aspect of metal is awful as well. br00tal M3tal is for neckbeards and tween virgins.