Diario

RSS
  • Ken, this had to be documented.

    Mar 31 2009, 20:05

    The year was 1976 and I was a young 12 year old girl right on the cusp of puberty. I had just begun to develop titties and shit, and my pert nips stood firmly erect from under my Ken, By Request Only T-shirt. Vaginal fluid gushed down my thighs into my neon knee socks. I was waiting in line backstage at the Ken show with a group of other girls who were waiting to meet Ken and get his autograph. I was so excited. Diarrhoea dribbled out of my asshole and formed a little mound on the floor behind me. Suddenly there was a giant diarrhoea volcano: my miniskirt was ripped clean off and went flying 50 ft. backwards, propelled by a jet stream of explosive diarrhoea. I was embarrassed, but i didn't care. I just wanted to meet Ken. I held "By Request Only" firmly between my nail-painted fingers. I couldn't wait. The door began to open and I queefed loudly. It sounded like a cave troll in lord of the rings.

    Ken stepped out into the room. We all screamed and giggled. I yelled "Ken! Ken! I love you Ken!" as I pushed my way to the front of the crowd. I held out my vinyl copy of "By Request Only" and a felt tipped pen and begged Ken to sign it. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye. "What's your name?" he asked me. I choked. I couldn't say anything, I was so nervous! I opened my mouth to try to say something but I suddenly projectile vomited all over Ken, covering him in half-digested white castle chicken rings. "I'm so sorry Ken!" I said, on the verge of tears. "Don't worry about it, why don't you come back to my dressing room and help me get cleaned up?" It was a dream come true. "Of course I will, Ken." I said. He led me back to his room and shut the door behind us. "So you didn't tell me your name yet," said Ken. "Oh! I forgot! My name is Rebecca!" I stammered. "Rebecca, that's a very pretty name," said Ken. I blushed bright red. "Would you like to help me change out of these clothes Rebecca?" I dropped my copy of "By Request Only" on the floor. I must have been dreaming, I thought. "Of course..."

    I began to take off Ken's stunning white leisure suit. I took off his coat jacket, then the floral collared shirt underneath it. I was face to face with Ken's chiselled abs. He was covered in a thick black hair, the kind that you would find on a feral cat. He smelled distinctly of bear urine. "Have you ever been with an older man before?" he whispered softly. I shook my head no. "Lick me," he said. I complied. I stuck my tongue out and began to lick his sweaty chest. It tasted like if you wiped your ass with a piece of salmon and then covered it in burnt hair. I was in heaven. I licked my way up to his left nipple, then his right nipple, then another nipple that was a few inches left of his right nipple. "Don't mind that," he whispered softly, "that's just my third nipple." By now Ken had a furious erection that stood out from his pants. "Let's go over to the couch," he said. "Okay..."

    This was the moment I had been waiting for. Ken lay prone on the couch, shivering softly. I began to unbutton his button fly. I slid his erection out from his underwear. It was immaculate. It looked like a burnt hot dog, all shrivelled and blackened. His balls hung languidly bellow it, the scrotum covered in some sort of genital fungus. I noticed his peehole was located on the side of his penis, about two inches from the head. "Don't mind that, it's just my hypospadia." I began to suck. I don't know how long I sucked for, a minute, thirty seconds, ten seconds, seven seconds. It felt like a lifetime. It was pure bliss. Suddenly, Ken came in my mouth. I was surprised by it, and began choking. I fell backwards, splashing Ken's golden yellow semen into my eyes. I was blinded and choking on the floor. I couldn't breathe. Ken began to hit me in the stomach with a bowling pin, hoping to dislodge the semen from my throat. He missed though and struck me in the back of the skull, dislodging my spinal cord and sending me into a coma. Ken did the only honourable thing to do and stuffed me inside of a garbage bag and, thinking I was dead, throw me off of a bridge into the river. I eventually became entangled in a lobster pot and was brought ashore by a kindly fisherman. I'm a quadriplegic now and I no longer have any feeling from the neck down. But while my ability to function as a normal human being may be gone, the memories of that magical night will last for ever.
  • VEGANISM IS THE ANSWER

    Mar 26 2009, 22:06

    I just have to vent. I can’t fucking stand meat eaters and the way you push your immoral and unhealthy practices on others. I’m vegan, and all I want is for people to respect our choice to not eat meat, but no. Every time we go a restaurant and everyone else is eating meat, we get ostracised.

    FUCK YOU lard bags, all of you are candidates for strokes and heart-attacks, sitting on your computers jerking off and getting fatter and fatter. Look at my face, make you hard nerds? Will as long as you eat meat you’ve never got a shot at ejaculating on a gay guy like me. And guess what? When I eat, I don’t have to commit murder to fill my belly. What is your rational? It’s okay to mutilate and eat animals because they are less intelligent? Would you mutilate and eat a mentally challenged person? Think of the starving people in Africa that could have been fed with the produce that was used to fatten your fat, pot-bellied cows.

    I hope you all rot in hell. Oh and each night, I know I’m going to wake up with an even hotter body than the day before because I eat right. Every morning your love handles increase in size exponentially, and more fatty deposits in your brain further lower your IQ. I want you to watch this video:http://www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com/f-kfc_fried_videos.asp. If you have a shred of decency, you will see my point, but if not, when you’re touching yourself tonight thinking about a gay guy like me, why don’t you just do the rest of the world a favour and rip your dicks off. Jerks.
  • BM

    Mar 20 2009, 21:34

    If you listen to Black Metal, but you don’t know what phase the moon is in, or what wild flowers are blooming then you have failed. It is shocking to me that one could be heavily interested in BM and not be deeply committed to radical ecology. Is BM supposed to be about high rises, suburbs, TV, an easy modern existence with access to CDs and corpse paint from the local hot topic? No! The music is about wild forests, unfettered rivers, nature: furious and vengeful.

    I recall reading an interview with Garm of Ulver, I think in Michael Moynihan’s “Lords of Chaos”. Garm just couldn’t say enough horrible things about the youthful malcontents who buy the majority of Black Metal records; I tend to agree with him. Black Metal is an easy thing to get into. There is a style, a sound, a set of beliefs – it’s all there to be purchased or downloaded with nary a thought of one's own need to get the package. There is a deep truth beneath the façade of grim posturing, but one must search for it.
  • Bored...

    Feb 20 2009, 23:10

    When I'm bored, I create blank new accounts on myspace and add bands like Bring Me The Horizon and Scouting For Girls. Basically, any bands I deem as annoying sell out ones that are whores to their label. They always accept. It's automatic with most of them. They'd have no reason to deny me anyway. I choose these bands in large part due to their fanbase. The close minded mainsteam teens, with their Gaia accounts and pink iPods. I realise this is where the record company's revenue lies. Most of them don't think twice about buying their new cd on the day of its release, or downloading their songs from iTunes, not realising 128kbps songs coated in DRM is not the only way to obtain this music. They are not us. They don't have what.cd accounts. They most likely don't know about blogspot searches. Maybe they tried limewire once. They caught a nasty trojan. Daddy had to take their new laptop to pc-world to get it reformatted. Never again he said, delete that program right now. So back to these bands myspace profiles. I leave comments on their page. [spam] Rapidshare and Mediafire links to their new album. I tell the kids reading everything they need to know in order to download this music safely and for free. Why? Because I'm a fucking rebel, that's why.
  • REFUSED - THE SHAPE OF PUNK TO COME, A CHEMICAL BOMABARDATION IN 12 PARTS:

    Feb 19 2009, 18:15

    SAW THIS IN A SHOP WITH "THIS FUCKING ROCKS" STICKER ON IT SO TOOK IT TO COUNTER AND SLAMMED IT DOWN AND SHOUTED AT DUDE WORKING THERE "HOW MUCH?" WHEN HE ANSWERED I SAID "NOT THE PRICE DICKWEED, HOW MUCH DOES IT ROCK?" DICKWEED'S ANSWER IS LIKE SHRUG, "I dunno, a lot?" WHICH WINDS ME UP 'COS HE'S BEING A PUSSY ABOUT IT AND I SAY "I WANT IT TO ROCK MY SOCKS CLEAN OFF MY FEET, IS IT GONNA DO THAT?" AND HE'S ALL LIKE, "Yeah it will." SO I'M LIKE, "FUCKING YEAH I'LL TAKE IT."

    GET IT HOME AND PUT IT ON, TURNING IT UP AND SOME GUY STARTS TALKING TO HIS 'BABY' ABOUT FASHION AND I START THINKING 'WHAT KIND OF NANCY BULLSHIT HAVE I GOT INTO HERE?' BUT THEN SOME NOISE STARTS HUMMING AND I START THINKING 'WHAT KIND OF NOISE RUBBISH HAVE I GOT MYSELF INTO HERE?' AND THEN AFTER A MINUTE OF GETTING ANGRY COS I GOT BURNED INTO BUYING SOME ARTSY RUBBISH THE BAND KICK IN ALL JABBING RIFFS AND YELLING TILL THEY'RE HOARSE AND I GO WILD, SMASHING UP THE ROOM WITH PART ANGER AND PART HXXXXX JOY. MAN, THERE'S LIKE A PIT GOING IN MY LIVING ROOM AND IT'S JUST ME AND I'M TEARING INTO SHIT AND THE CURTAINS ARE FALLING DOWN AND MOM'S YELLING FROM HER BED BUT I PRETEND LIKE I DON'T HEAR HER CRIES COS I'M GOING APE SHIT ROCKING OUT AND BEING ALL HXXXXXXCORE AND SHIT.

    BUT SOON I'M GETTING ANGRY AGAIN COS, YEAH, THEY KNOW HOW TO ROCK OUT THESE BOYS DO, SO WHAT I WANNA KNOW IS WHY THEY GOTTA KEEP INTERRUPTING MY SLAM DANCING WITH SOME TECHNO BULLSHIT OR SOME QUIET BITS AND EVEN, GET THIS, A VIOLIN!! I MEAN, I'M THERE ROCKING OUT LIKE I KNOW HOW AND THEN THERE'S THIS FUCKING VIOLIN, AND YEAH, IT'S PLAYING A QUALITY BIT OF A TUNE, BUT WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF SOME OF MY CREW WALKED IN AT THAT MOMENT AND SAW ME ALL SWEATY AND BLEEDING AND LISTENING TO A FUCKING VIOLIN??? I'D HAVE TO KILL MYSELF OR ALL OF THEM AS THE SHAME OF IT ALL WOULD BE TOO MUCH.

    SO IT WAS TOO STOP STARTY AND ONE MINUTE I WAS SLAMMIN' ROUND THE LIVING ROOM WITH MOMMA HOLLERING AT ME TO TURN IT OFF AND BRING HER HER MEDICATION AND THE NEXT MINUTE THEY'RE SINGING WITH NO DISTORTION ON THE GUITARS OR DOING SOME JAZZ OR SOME SHIT, SO I MARCHED BACK TO THE SHOP AND SLAM THE CD DOWN IN FRONT OF THAT SAME WUSSY MOTHERFUCKER AND SAY "MY SOCKS ARE LIKE STILL ON DUDE!" AND HE SIGHS AND TAKES IT FROM ME WITH NO QUESTIONS AND SAYS, "you wanna swap it for something else or do you want cash?" SO I WAS ALL LIKE, "CASH OF COURSE, I AIN'T BUYING FROM A SHOP THAT HAS STICKERS SAYING 'THIS ROCKS' ON STUFF THAT DOESN'T."

    SO HE SAYS, "you didn't like it too much then, I didn't think you would." AND I SAID "WHAT THE FUCK'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I LIKE SOME OF IT, THEY JUST NEED TO KEEP IT INTENSE ALL THE WAY THROUGH NOT JUST WHEN IT SUITS THEM." AND HE SAYS, ALL COCKY LIKE "well, Refused made this album to move the hardcore scene on as they thought that it was stagnating and lacking ideas and made for people like you who were all about an image and a particular lifestyle rather than open mindedness and expression. They did it, I think, but sadly there will always be people like you who were left behind. I mean, does it get much better than when they come back in after the jazz section on "Deadly Rhythm"? That bit sounds like a brutal attack, it's insane! Or, or the violin intro to "Tannhäuser"? When those drums come in it's epic, really ground breaking for a hardcore record. But, if you didn't like it....."

    I BARELY GIVE THE GUY TIME TO OPEN THE TILL BEFORE I LIFT IT RIGHT UP FROM THE COUNTER PULLING ALL THE WIRES OUT WITH IT AND CRACK IT OVER HIS HEAD THE PRICK. THEN I PUT IT THROUGH THE WINDOW AND KNOCK OVER A COUPLE OF SHELVES WORTH OF CD'S BEFORE STAMPING ON THE GUY'S HEAD AND LEGGING IT. AS I LEFT I HEARD HIM SHOUT "Philistine!" I'M GONNA GO HOME AND LOOK THAT FUCKING WORD UP TO WORK OUT WHETHER THAT LITTLE QUEER HAS GOT ANOTHER VISIT COMING OR NOT.