Diario

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  • That Feeling

    Dic 28 2008, 22:40

    This is my first entry on the new name, and it's really long, so, if you read this, my apologies for the length, but this is something that I really need to talk about in some way, just to have it on record. If some of you may be wondering why this isn't on some other site instead, well, this is where I decided to post this first. Random choice, spur of the moment thing.

    I'm sure you know about that feeling you get when you truly love someone, right? Butterflies in your stomach, your heart begins to pound at a feverish pace, you can't stop grinning stupidly...they're all a part of that feeling. And I've had that feeling for over three months now. I love the conversations that we have. I love how absolutely silly we are together. I love how we can talk about anything. I love that I am COMFORTABLE talking to her about anything, because I'm not the kind of person that can trust someone like that. I probably have more in common with her than my brother, and my brother and I, had he been born seven years earlier, could have been passed off as a twin. I get her. She gets me. I love her more than words can truly express, as hard as I try to.

    There's just one problem with this...she's not here.

    By this, I mean that she doesn't live here. Now, the one thing going for me is that I've been in love like this before. Of course, that has its drawbacks, too, because you know what the long-distance thing is like, and you know how hard it can be sometimes. You just want to hold them, kiss them, tell them that you love them to their face, but you can't. It's just not humanly possible at the present time. And it eats at you.

    This time is 100% different, too. For starters, um, I have something resembling a life. I'm going to college, actually trying to make something of my life. Compare that to two years ago, where I just sat on my ass and did nothing to try and improve my life, failing to improve myself and my life in any way. Also, unlike last time, we don't talk every day. Now, the thing about the latter is that, honestly, I'm okay with this, as long as we try to keep in touch in other ways, and we do.

    There are also the various differences that are GOOD differences. For instance, I can actually talk about how hot certain women are, and she can talk about how hot certain guys are, because I trust her, and she trusts me, and it's all in good fun. Also, she is a sports fan. Now, for most guys, the idea of a hot girl being a sports fan is like hitting the jackpot. There are many other reasons why I feel like I've hit the figurative jackpot, but it definitely doesn't hurt that she can keep up with me when talking about sports, which is something that few PEOPLE, let alone females, can do.

    Most importantly, though, I have changed so much about the way I act since early October. A LOT of things that I used to do in the past are nothing more than part of the past now. I do feel that I am a lot more confident than I was prior to October (though that's not hard to pull off, admittedly), and I try even harder to help people who are in need of help. I have never been this helpful or giving or caring. I have her to thank for that.

    Yeah, she's not here. She's not with me, she's not by me, we don't even live in the same state. But the fact of the matter is that I still get that feeling when I talk to her. She has changed me in ways I didn't even see happening. She makes me feel like I'm worth it. Damnit, she makes me feel alive. That, to me, is what love is all about.