Mercoledì 7 Mar 2012, 20:03
Drowning (Face Down) ~ Saving Abel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQC5Ub6eYEI
Wow… March already. Jesus… this year has gone by painfully slow, and yet… here we are. And here I am, still in the same horrible existence since last year. My life was great until about May last year… then it all turned to crap. And now I'm here, drowning. And yet, no one understands how hard it is for me to "reach for when I'm lying face down." Each time I'm able to pick myself off the floor, it's by myself, but then he just comes back over and knocks me down again. But I… him…we've come too far to turn around. And I just can't let go..
I was actually watching How I Met Your Mother today, and this one quote that Marshall said brought me to tears, because his year described mine, and it just killed me…
"Lily, this year, this nasty schoolyard bully of a year will not stop punching me in the face. How did we kick off 2011? My dad died. And now, after five months of unemployment, I just blew my dream job. Good news is, in a few seconds, I'm gonna start heaving my guts out because that's what life is to me now: just losing what's inside until I'm just empty."
Could not describe it better Marshall. And normally, I don't particularly like your character, but here… I know that feel. Just replace "kick off" with "end", "dad" with "pet ferret", "unemployment" with "silence/resentment with my best guy friend/love of my life", and "dream job" with "one chance at a great relationship" and my life is pretty much described. And I am losing what's inside until I'm just empty… (not by puking though, mostly tears)
Right now I'm just getting by… and it just makes everything worse. Sad part is that I know how to fix things, I do. But we just hurt each other so bad that I'm afraid to talk to him, and when I do, he's angry and resentful, which just makes me even more afraid to talk to him. It's one mean nasty circle of hatred and fear and fading love…
Anyways, I got to go… the rest of this week is not going to be fun. Later..