I asked Diturbedkiwi if i could post this sometime ago and i totally forgot about it so here it is then
SHARPEST TOOLS IN THE SHED
Cult art metal band Tool play stadiums and are about to release their fifth studio album ‘10,000 Days.’ So why the hell are singer maynard james keenan and drummer danny carey so pissed off?
Gavin - You’re artistic, enigmatic and very angry. How did you become such a commercial juggernaut?
Danny – From the beginning we had the confidence to say no whenever they were trying to sell us instead of our music. What are they going to do? “We’re going to drop you.” We’d fucking celebrate.
Maynard – We were willing to keep working our nine to five jobs. We had people calling from record companies: “I’m from Dickhead Fuckhole Records and we want you to messenger over one of your demo tapes because Fuckhole Records is verrrry interested in you.” We’d be like, “Well, Fuckhole Records can bring your fatass down to the gig and pay me $5 for one/” They’d go, “Who the fuck do you think you are?” We’d say, “We are the guys you’ll call back in about a week.”
Gavin – Apart from success, how have you changed since those days?
Danny – We were raging and lashing out. We had the retard president, so we were pissed off. But as you get older and better at what you do, you learn to control your rage. And that’s what we’re doing now. Believe me, we’\re still cynical old fucks.
Gavin – In your opinion, has the whole world gone to shit?
Maynard – Oh, we still have plenty of hope. If only we could erase the chip in our Western culture brains that gives us the idea that we have to take something and make it global. There are people in small communities who are passionate about things and that’s inspiring.
Danny – Even the guy who fixes your pipes when your toilet overflows. They can still be Zen masters of what they do. I grew up in a little town in Kansas, and TYV repairmen would come over and I remember watching them and my hair would stand on end because someone was really into their work. It’s affected my whole life.
Gavin – Are there people who would love to see TOOL fall on its face?
Danny- Yeah. It’s like Michael Jackson; the media want to crucify him so bad. Who knows, maybe he likes little boys. After all, Gary Glitter went down [laughs]. But chances are that guy is just a big fuckin’ freak who’s never touched a little kid. Sadly, that’s what people want to see.
Maynard – People in general love to see you fail because it’s a better story, think how much easier your article would be if I walked through the door and acted like the biggest cunt in the world. If you want, I’ll walk out now and come back in and act like the biggest cunt in the world.
Gavin – Cool, that’d really help.
Danny – [laughs] Instead you’ll get boring farts rapping about our jobs.
Gavin – Is that why you play pranks on the media like announcing Maynard was leaving the band because he found Jesus and saying you met through a mutual appreciation of Lachrymology, a.k.a. “The study of crying”?
Maynard – Oh yeah. They like that sort of stuff. We feed the media something because if we’re just four prog-rock dumbasses, they will be asleep. But it’s tragic that something like ‘The Osbournes’ came on. That just buried rock’n’roll. And then fucking Paris Hilton…
Gavin – Not a fan of Paris?
Maynard – It’s hard to hate her because she’s such a tragic mess. We were at an Ultimate Fighting Championship event and they were showing the celebrities on the big screen. Paris was in the front row and they showed her, then all of a sudden I was like, “Her fucking tit is out!” [Holds up his camera phone to show a photo of Paris, unaware of her loose nipple. Photo included with article.] No-one else saw it, obviously including her. It’s like when she’s on the runway [red carpet] and the wind blows up her skirt and her cooch is hanging out. No wonder everyone loves her.
Gavin – I had to sign a shitload of contracts before I could speak to you guys. Why are you so protective of your image?
Danny – Because the music by itself is larger than life. Whatever you do, it’s better in people’s imaginations than reality. When I grew up I would’ve killed to see a picture or interview with Pink Floyd. It was unattainable, so they practically became gods. People’s imaginations can run wild, but as soon as you start connecting humans to it, it drags it down. That’s why we don’t sell our faces and become media whores.
Gavin – Maynard; didn’t Courtney Love call you a media whore?
Maynard – Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. It’s the pot looking in the mirror and calling the pot in the mirror black and I just happen to be standing in the corner.
Danny – They were the good old rock’n’roll days when men were men and idiots were idiots.
Gavin – About a year ago a couple of us in Ralph Towers had a wager on when she would die. We both lost.
Maynard – I don’t think she’ll die. She’ll go on as long as Keith Richards. She is a pure sociopath. And a fuckin’ blithering idiot.
Danny – She’d fit in at Jumbo’s Clown Room, a great Hollywood strip club.
Maynard – [laughs] Where it reeks of sour burritos and pickles. She needs to get there and start taking her clothes off. She’d be right at home.
Gavin – You don’t put up with phoney people, so how the hell do you survive in LA?
Maynard – The trick is to get the fuck out of there when you’ve done what you need to do. That’s why I actually live on a vineyard in Arizona.
Danny – I’ve lived there for twenty fuckin’ years, yet I only know five people who actually grew up in LA. You can’t drive there. You turn on your signal when you want to merge into a lane and they’re like, “Fuck you!” Well, I ride a motorcycle, so fuck all of you! If I didn’t have that, I’d go postal and start shooting people. Who are these people?
Gavin – Failed actors.
Danny – [laughs] I’ve found ways of surviving there and not having the life sucked out of you by these losers who came with their American dreams. For every story like mine there are a million who didn’t make it. The girl who was the star in the high school play is now sucking cock on Santa Monica Boulevard. But as along as you’ve got you’re buddies, that’s all that matters. And I love going to Lakers games anyway.
Gavin – You have a rep for not liking interviews, but this has been easy.
Maynard – People come in with ideas how the interview will go… Or they come in completely uninformed because they think we’re going to be some Seattle-got-lucky, no-talent-got-a-record-deal dipshits. Basically we don’t suffer fools. These people will trumpet the loudest when I walk in the door a cunt. Well, I wasn’t a cunt before I walked in the door.
- Gavin Dennett for Ralph Magazine
June 20006 Issuehttp://ralph.ninemsn.com.au/
Review of 10,000 Days, same issue:
(This month’s ‘Sweet Pick’)
Tool’s cerebral art-metal has no place on the ARIA charts, but somehow it’s barged its way in. Like all their previous albums, 10,000 Days takes you on a trip that’s part Galapagos Islands nature cruise, part Thailand sex tour. Rival bands would kill to sound this good.