Mariah Carey tried in vain with her right hand to scratch the notes she wanted to reach in the air with her pointer-nail, as if by doing so, the noises lurching out of her throat would take a hint, and play-doh themselves through the clawed-out holes.
The Jackson brothers were cloaked in solidarity, wearing close approximations of the outfit Michael wore when he waved a sparkly glove ‘goodbye’ to them through the moondust, while doing that backwards-walk on the Grammy’s in ‘83.
Lionel Richie flounced around, harping-on about Jesus, in a banal subterfuge designed to trick us into forgetting about that complete bitch he adopted.
The Rev. Al Sharpton gave us all a good telling-off.
Queen Latifah illustrated that Maya Angelou could queef-out a good poem at a moment’s warning.
Martin Luther King Jr III babbled on about highly skilled-bushes and executive-streetsweepers while flailing-around for a metaphor…